Call Me, Maybe? Just a Phone

     So I hear the new iPhone 5 is out. People have been lining up for a week just waiting to get their hands on this newest addition to the world of phones. Mass hysteria ensues after the purchase of something so coveted, and people are killing one another just to get a glimpse. Well, maybe it's not that bad.
     I really don't know what all the fuss is about. You see, I happen to have a dinosaur for a phone. No, not those huge beastly cell phones that people had to strap to their hip before pulling out the antennae to get a signal. Mine is simply the six year-old flip phone. I can take pictures. That is about the extent of the technology it has, besides being able to call other numbers.     
     Cell phones are very foreign to me. I only got one because I was working night shifts at a restaurant and my father was concerned that my vehicle would break down on the twenty-five minute drive home. Thus, the phone. It meant I could call him for help instead of having some psycho killer stop by, throw me in his van and dump my body in the nearest ditch. Luckily, I never did have to deal with any serial killers. However, good old Dad was there to get me out of a few tight spots when I called him from my trusty phone after my car broke down, or when the road was slick with ice.
     Besides emergencies, there is hardly any point for me to own a cell phone. I would way rather have people call my landline since I'll answer that quicker than having to dig around in my purse for the evasive cell phone. Although I must admit that my cell phone is usually dead. The battery doesn't last very long after six years of use. Sometimes I'll take my phone out and charge it, only to find a text message pop up. Oh, that message is ten days old. Ten days?! Guess my phone has been dead for a while!
     This brings up another subject. Texting. I can't text. Actually, I just don't like it. For one thing, by the time I get around to pushing all the right buttons to get the right letters, I can finally write one, un-punctuated sentence in five minutes. Five flippin' minutes to write a sentence! Nevertheless, the most frustrating thing is that I'll receive a text back that contains about four sentences. Time? Thirty seconds. I hate you. Forget texting again! I'll just phone the person and communicate one hundred sentences in the next five minutes. I like efficiency.
     I have had one cell phone during my entire existence of cell phone-using life. On the other hand, my husband goes through at least two cellphones a year. I can't understand how his phones don't hold up, but he's a contractor. And a Hooge. Those things seem to beg breakage. (I love you, honey!) He actually broke the screen of a new phone the first day he got it. I was not impressed. I was even less impressed when he was throwing my phone in the air and dropped it,  causing the front to crack. Heaven forbid it breaks and I have to get a new one!
     My phone company keeps calling to encourage me to get a new phone. After all, I can get a free one. And while this does seem enticing, since I could get a much cooler looking phone, I'd have to get a new contract. This means it would probably cost significantly more than I already pay for a phone I don't use. Plus, I'd probably get a texting plan. Blech!
     It's not that I don't know how to use these newer phones. I text on my husband's phone while he's driving. (I also like to write weird things to his friends who get confused about the conversation they seem to be having). You know what they say, though. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. Well, I prefer to just stay with the old. I'm one of those people who laughs in disbelief at the people who have a panic attack when their phone gets lost, or broken.
     "How will people reach me instantly?"
     "How will I find somebody at the mall later?"
     "I can't go on facebook!"
     "I'm going to get lost because I don't have access to the map on my phone!"
     "I'm bored!"

     Seriously? Instant gratification is becoming way too popular these days. Grab a paper map if you're lost. Make plans to meet at certain place before you leave that person's company. Read a book! Daydream! I can assure those people that life will not end with the downfall of the cell phone.

     I went to the dentist yesterday and found that every single person in the waiting room was on their cell phone. It felt a bit awkward just sitting there staring out the window at the rain. It even came to the point where I thought I should grab my phone and pretend to do something on it, just to look busy. However, there is only so much you can do with a dead phone! Besides, it was much more fun to think about my good-looking dentist than pretending to play with a dead phone.
     This brings me to another point. With so much technology that supposedly makes it "easier" (throw up the "quote" fingers!) to connect with the world, people seem to become more distant all the time. As a former waitress, I can't tell you how many times I would see a whole group at the table sitting silently while texting on their phones. Or how about trying to get someone's order when they are too busy to even look up and acknowledge my presence? Did you come here to eat or text? Because if you think I have all day to wait for you to finish texting, you are wrong! Have the decency to put the phone away and concentrate on the people around you.
     The only thing I happen to regret about not having a nice phone is that I can't take cool pictures wherever I go. It's a bit hard to lug around my Canon SLR camera, especially when having a baby in tow. A while back, I even looked up how to get Instagram because the pictures look authentically vintage and amazing. Oh wait, I need an iPhone. Too bad, Samsung flip phone! I guess I'll either have to cave for a new phone or bring a camera.
     It's a crazy world out there. I can't stop the flow of technology--not that this is ever my intention--or make people become hold-outs like me. But I hope that people will understand that there is more to life than the newest phone. And it's no small cost either. $700 for a phone? Take me to an all-inclusive in the caribbean for that price, thank you very much. I'd much rather lay on the beach with a margarita than play with a phone.